themidlifegals

I looked it up…the definition of debate is “a regulated discussion of a proposition between two matched sides.”

For example: “Mother, Sal and I are going to use grandmother’s china for our dinner party tonight.”

“Oh, no you’re not! Those dishes are not to be scratched.”

“Huh? Then why do you have them?”

“Because they’re beautiful antiques.”

“But if you don’t use them, what good are they?”

“They’re some of MY things.”

End of debate. There IS no debating with an Ancient One. They’ve lived 80+ years and BY GAWD, they’re going to do and say whatever the hell they want and you can be damned to hell if your opinion differs. There are no “matched sides” in a debate with the elderly. You can only say, “Whatever,” and then do what you want to when they’re not looking.

When you have control issues like I do, debating is such a chore. You have to pretend like you’re listening to the ‘other side’ of the debate and respond as if you respect your opponent’s perspective. We know not to debate with a waiter because they’ll just spit on your food in the kitchen before they bring it out. Debating with a telemarketer is also useless because they have been trained NOT to stray from their speech, so they don’t care what you have to say, they’ll just go to the next paragraph written down in front of them. And, don’t waste your time debating what the weather is going to be like, because God will just laugh at you and do whatever she wants to do.

I wish I picked my battles judiciously, but when my temper flares, it’s ‘Katy bar the door,’ and off I go, making arguments that are completely absurd to match the anger of my opponent. This can be kind of fun if you’re quick-witted and articulate, but when the temper is involved, words like, “WELL, JUST BECAUSE I SAID SO!” usually spill from my mouth. This gives the other side plenty of ammo to use as I stumble for a proper response.

Then there are people like Sarah Palin who just smile as they throw the dagger. Another response that infuriates me and causes more dimwitted vernacular like, “WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY, MISSY??” Not a good way to debate, but at least I’m not WINKING as I speak. Crying usually works well in these circumstances unless you’re a MAN, like Jo Biden. That was a switch, huh?

I am here to tell you that alcohol does not work either when you’re debating. You don’t even start out debating, but get all liquored up and the sky’s the limit! Especially if your opponent is a happy drunk and won’t argue with you no matter what you say.

“And, you know WHAT? Your hair looks like SHIT!”

“Really?”

“Yes, REALLY!”

“Well, I know you’re right because when I teased it to stand straight up before I came to meet you tonight, I thought, “My hair looks like SHIT!” Debate over…there’s no where to go from there except,

“Waiter, I”ll have another martini, please…and THIS time please fill the glass to the friggin’ TOP, WILL YOU??”

Don’t drink it if it comes back looking a little ‘cloudy!’

KK

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I hate to debate about anything. If you are debating with a moron then what is the point? In some cases I am the moron and I rest my case.

Perhaps you are debating a subject that you are both knowledgeable about and you are both intellectual and well-read on the subject. There are two sides to the story, so what is the point? It’s like telling a six-year old to debate an ancient one on the subject of taking a bath. Neither one of them wants to do it and they’re both a little dirty but the reasons for not doing it are completely subjective.

As far as politics…you have yours and I have mine and that’s the way it should be in a democratic society. I have to say though that Sarah Palin drove me crazy last night when she kept saying the same things over and over again and doing those little winks and doing that condescending smile with her overly bleached teeth. I just kept wanting Joe (may I call you Joe?) to say, “Look, Sarah, I don’t want a person in a position to become the president who thinks there were dinosaurs on the planet seven thousand years ago, okay? And I loved Catcher In The Rye when I was young so don’t ban it from my kid’s school library.” The questions were too boring for me last night. I want to see some good old American fisticuffs. Bring out the boxing gloves and get down and dirty.

KK and I have debates over a few minor things that are no biggy. I was glad to see ‘Suede’, who talks about himself in the third person, be kicked off of Project Runway the other night but I hate that nasally girl. KK likes her designs and this causes much back and forth banter as The Ancient One looks on like The Buddha in a chenille bathrobe. Also, Ace needs to go from Survivor. Sorry but he is an asshole and Sugar needs to divorce herself from his lascivious grasp. We had to debate the wisdom of Sugar telling Ace that she had found the Immunity Idol. Sugar turned from quite clever to a complete idiot in the space of a few hours but KK would debate you on that.

I would rather laugh than debate anything. Politics makes me laugh but not in a good way. The only way out of this is to take up the banner of ‘Necessary Insanity’ (our catch phrase) and go for the joke. I can’t wait to see Tina Fay do her impression of Sarah on Saturday Night Live. One could debate that she goes too far but I don’t think so.

SalGal